there are people assleep and people awake how many lives do i have to take?
alltheangst: jackbassam: When I have the sex talk with my kids I’m just going to tell them to follow the basic rule “If your age is on the clock, you’re too young for the cock” yeah, and when my kid turns thirteen imma go, “Sit back down, I was talking about military time.”
internetexplorers: 100wordlimit: internetexplorers: if i get hit by a car i won’t have to go to school my friend got hit by a car he still went to school what a nerd My friends get hit by cars a lot.. then the driver freaks out because they don’t have the money for that so they are like, i got 2 packs of cigarettes and they take them and a free soda… then their are the...
Nick — If I said to you: “Unicorns exist, I totally just saw one galloping down the street,” most likely you’d give me a sad look and get on with your day. But what if House Speaker Boehner and the chairman of the House Science Committee said they didn’t know if the science behind climate change was real. (Yeah. That actually happened.) Now obviously, it...
Something is arriving.
I have this fire burning inside of me, and everyone gets burn unless i suppress it. But i can only suppress it by suppressing myself.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.– John F. Kennedy (via brokenxpretty)
24 Super Funny Wedding Photos --- !Zombie lovers... →
The best, funniest, and most hilarious wedding photos ever taken! Zombie lovers rejoice!!
everklark: if they don’t show us clips from haymitch’s games in cf im gonna burn lionsgate THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS SIHT!!!!! ASDFASDFJASD yes
demonhunting: crabbyseer: queenofheartsonthesleeve: So today this guy accidentally hit me with the door when he was walking out of a classroom and instead of saying sorry he just looked me over and said ‘pretty cute’ and walked away . And then I realized . I literally just got hit on . The pun is greater than the pain . I guess you could say that he adores you get the fuck out
me when i go out: i should've stayed home
me when i stay home: i should've gone out
me when i'm around people: i want to be alone
me when i'm alone: i want to be around people
me when i'm mean to people: i need to be nicer
me when i'm nice to people: i need to be meaner
sirbombalot: If this post gets 500 notes then my dad will finally believe me when I tell him that I’ve been remembering to flush the toilet and it just doesn’t work sometimes. Its true, he does, i see it..
brave-fart: brave-fart: brave-fart: brave-fart: brave-fart: brave-fart: brave-fart: brave-fart: did you hear about the italian chef who died? he pasta way he just ran out of thyme here today, gone tomato his wife is still upset, cheese still not over it we never sausage a tragedy coming ashes to ashes, crust to crust there’s just not mushroom for italian chefs in...
Fern Houseplant, my ex-girlfriend/plant →
sirbombalot: (Casual reminder that made a fake Facebook profile for a plant and then proceeded to date said plant.) Avelino Aquino You got a fine round pot. Mmhmmm. Yeah buddie, I’d definitely water that
sirbombalot: peachpup: what can i sell on the internet that u people will buy. besides my underwear I’d buy your tears if you bottled them. I would like some chili fries.
I told my mom what i wanted to do with my life, she then said why don’t you just get a job with health insurance… When i die, do i want to look back and think, wow that job with life insurance was soooo great. No, i wanna be like, damn that was fun.. i ate so many tacos i died…
This may be the last thing that I write for long Can you hear me smiling when I sing this song For you and only you?
When i get suicidal thoughts i think, shit i wish i had someone to help me. Then i am like, fuck no one will help me… no one..
everythingforsomehope asked: hi? thats a question.
Someone send me asks, i wanna type them to you… anything, well not anything.. but like all the stuff…
Yes. Just yes to this movie…
pizzaforpresident: if i was trapped inside a room filled with explosives and the only way out was to eat a whole tomato i would die I’d live and take the explosives!